This is an email I sent to the boys in my dorm today.
“A Man Only Has His Balls and His Word”
Things are a little crazy right now with all the changes to the academic schedule, the race cancellations, and constantly changing weather and snow conditions. Throw in a bunch of final exams, co-ed girls running around, and some of the best-ever YouTube material to distract you ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bm61weFrK4c), and it is a tough recipe to follow.
That said, you gotta act and behave up to a certain level. You are trying to become men in this world. You want to get the girls, the money, and the power. You want to ski fast. You want to bench press more than your roommate. You want to go to an Ivy-League college. You want to make the podium at Junior Nationals. You have goals. You know you do. I know you do. Coaches, teachers, and staff know you do.
How do you accomplish these things? I’ll be damned if I could tell each of you what you need specifically. But through all of the homework, and training, and video games, and chores, remember the title of this email: “a man only has his balls and his word.” Think about your behavior…do you really have balls, the way a man has balls? Do you really live up to your word, the way a man lives up to his word?
Lately, I’ve found myself having to ask people to do things 2-3-4 times in order for the results to happen. “Hey can you take the trash out?” ….”Sure”. Next day, trash is still sitting around, I tell the same person “Take the trash out” and they say, “I’ll get it done soon”. Next day, trash is still sitting there, and that student has shown the true value of his word: very little.
Your word is a bond; it is a well of honor. When you give someone your word, and you live up to it, you have filled your well a little more full. When you break the trust, you are emptying your well. Even if it is something small, like taking out the trash or moving your skis off the porch, people remember it. Life is made up of millions of little decisions. It is how you choose to face each and every one of those decisions, that determines the true value of your word, and the size of your balls. This isn’t a Hollywood movie. You won’t hear the music build to a crescendo during one major scene, and realize “this is the one time when it really counts.” It always counts. Even if nobody is around to know or see what you do — it still counts.
It matters, because your word is also a bond with yourself. If you decide that you are going to study, and 2 hours later you are still playing video games, you have lied and cheated yourself. If you are willing to do that to yourself, how will you treat other people in your life?
The title of this message was inspired by Tony Montana, from the movie Scarface. He was one tough sonuvabitch. One of his famous quotes from the movie is this:
“I never f*cked anybody over in my life didn’t have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one. Do you understand?”
While Tony Montana was a murderer and a cocaine-addict, he had a code that he lived by — he would never double-cross someone, in business or in his personal life. He would rather have died, than broken his word. He never went around harming people, that didn’t have it coming to them. It was a ‘cleansing’ of sorts: if you are lazy, a liar, a cheat, a thief, then you are going to get what is coming to you. But if you are honest, hard-working, respectful — well then you have nothing to worry about.
The flip side of the “code of honor”, is when you feel like you are getting screwed. Next time, when you feel like you are getting the shaft, stop and think — is somebody really screwing me, or do I deserve this? If you get caught with your hand in the cookie jar, you have 2 options. One, you can lie to yourself and others, and pretend like you were just there trying to clean the cookie jar, or because you are SO NICE that you were just getting a cookie for your good friend. Option 2, is a way of showing you have your balls and your honor: admit that you got caught doing something wrong, and accept the consequences. “Oh but Tim, I have been SO busy for the past 5 days, that I just couldn’t take the 30-seconds to move my trash out of the hallway.” BANG! You’re dead. Tony Montana just got you for trying to lie. You think any jury is going to believe that you have actually been studying and doing homework 24/7?
Pretty much everybody wants the same things in life: the girl, the money, and the power. Some want happiness, too, but that is another story. Some of you boys are working hard, and making sound-decisions, being fair, and honest. Your behavior may not earn you anything tangible, but it does earn you respect. That is the behavior that makes your balls bigger, and fills up your well of honor. Don’t ever be fooled by how loud somebody shouts, or how fast they ski, or how good they are at video games, or how much money they have, or their grades, or how much they can bench press. Those aren’t the true measures of a man. Those things come and go.
The true measures of a man, are the two things that he has his whole life — birth to death — his balls and his word.
How big are yours?
